i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
