there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
