I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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