i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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