Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
