What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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