i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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