Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
