i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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