I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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