I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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