The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
