You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
