go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
