Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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