Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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