My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
