It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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