margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
