so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
