im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
