So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
