I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
