I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
