Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
