Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
