I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
