isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
