how can u be prego again
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
