im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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