It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
