hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
