Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
