Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
