I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
