I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
