You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
