Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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