Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
