i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
