did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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