k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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