dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
