Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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