trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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