She just used a chaser for red wine.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
