oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
