This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
