I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
