you guys were way drunker than both of me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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