He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
