Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
